evolution

This weekend, someone we know died. Someone we hope to know was born. Someone rolled to a "0" numbered birthday.

Someone we know lost a father. Someone gained a son. Life swirled around us as we watched and held our breath and waited. Both birth and death were long and slow, and probably very painful. We know the bare facts of each--none of the details.

But I am very happy for our friends who have a new son! I hope they are recovering from his arrival, and finding sleep where they can.

Beyond that, I feel like a bystander, watching the lifestream slip by. I've begun to doubt my choices, wonder if I'm more of a grasshopper than an ant, despite our ant-like diligence. Maybe we've been saving the wrong things. Grains of sand instead of food for the winter.

I know I'm not making sense to anyone else but me. But that's ok. Facing the gritty truths of life, death, and Big Birthdays will do that to a girl.

crappy things about my day

Everyone knows there are just days when at some point you realize you should have just stayed under the covers and not gone out into the wide world. Here are some examples:

• When a bird craps on your arm (or any part of you, for that matter) on your way to the bus stop.
• When you write an order pursuant to a Judge's request that includes the language "despite counsel's perverse misreading" of the rule, and of course, counsel calls YOU back, because you signed the order.
  
• When you drop a great big spoonful of raspberry yogurt on your cream-colored pants. With bits of granola in it that won't rub off your black shirt.
• When you get in a fight with your husband about him doing you the favor or pre-loading your coffee maker for the morning.
  
• When that nit-pickishness spills over into dinner preparation.

The day wasn't all bad, which is why I'm blogging instead of under the aforementioned covers:

• My first Netflix movie came in the mail. Yay Howl's Moving Castle!
• Mr. Bump came to meet me at the busstop with the Ru-ster and she made those excited squealing/licking noises at the sight of me.
  
• Mr. Bump rocketed down an escalator to get me napkins when I spilled the raspberry f-ing yogurt.
• I was told that I did everything right on the "perverse misreading" order by a higher-up.
• The feeling that I'm beginning to know thismuch what to do at my new job. But I'm not getting cocky about it because I know I'll screw up tomorrow.

• Getting to come home and put my feet up and drink iced tea: priceless.

Nothing much makes up for the crappy f-ing bird, though.

what are the symptoms of west nile virus again?

This weekend we went up to the mountains for a little R&R, and it a bit of nostaligia for my childhood, I got eaten alive by mosquitos and horseflies. I love how if you scratch one they all begin to itch harmony. Then parts of you that aren't lumpy even begin to itch. I tell you, I was not outside for more than two hours total from Friday night to Sunday night. And yet I managed to get bit three times in the same location in the middle of my back (dreadfully hard to reach for itching), one ginormous one on my ankle, two on my left arm--no three, I just found another!--one on my left clavicle, one on my left wrist and that's just the ones I can find easily.

It isn't revelatory, but I hate their loud angry buzzing at night in a quiet room. I hate how they swarm a porchlight like a fog. I hate how they buzz around your face, finding you by the carbon dioxide that you breathe out. They are hateful and I hate them. And they carry West Nile virus, which kills horses, birds (?) and humans, although rarely. Great.

I tell you, it does not pay to be juicy, no matter what those sweatpants say.