over it

I've successfully made it through half of the month of blogging every day.  I'm over the hump.  I am also very tired. I left the house this morning at 6:27.  I made it back home tonight at 9:40.  I spent 4 1/2 hours at work, an hour for lunch with Mr. Bump, 4 1/2 hours working in the afternoon, then went to my hair stylist after going to the post office.  After two hours with the Best Stylist in the Universe, I drove over to pick up a friend, and then we drove over to the hospital and spent an hour with a friend who's in the ICU. We sat in the car and chatted for a bit, and then I got home at 9:40. Then I ate cereal and cheese and crackers for dinner.

I thought I'd throw up a couple of pictures of my new hair and call it good for a blog post. Days like today don't make blogging every day easy.  I'm just really exhausted.

Then I spent 30 minutes posing for Mr. Bump because there is no such thing as a "quick photo of my new hair" apparently.  Anyway, enjoy. It's getting long. I'm glad to get some color back in it.

share and compare

I promise, I promise, I will stop talking about the marathon soon. Soon is not yet, however.  I was curious to see how my stats compared from this marathon versus the Colorado Marathon. As luck would have it, Garmin has a comparison widget.  You can click on the images to make them bigger if you actually want to look at the data.

God bless statistics.  While in no way shape or form do they demonstrate a dramatic improvement, they do show improvement.  I would also like to note that the first 14 miles of the Colorado Marathon were mostly downhill, while there was a 200 foot elevation climb in the first 4 miles of the Portland marathon. And I'm pretty proud of my miles 25 split in Portland. It's just nice to see that the improvement is consistent.

In other news, I finally managed to drag my ass out for a run today. It wasn't pretty, but it happened. Now I just need to figure out what I'm doing next.

portland marathon race recap

*Warning--this may be my longest blog post ever, but I wanted to get this down before I forgot some of it. If you've heard enough about the Portland Marathon from me, come back tomorrow.*  The race photos went up this morning, a bit ahead of schedule. But the quality is kind of horrible. However, I'm not purchasing them for the exorbitant fees they charge, even for the jpegs.  So they'll give you some brushstrokes, but probably not much else.

Pre-race
The race started at 7:00, so I woke up at 5, had some bread and chocolate almond butter, a cup of coffee. The forecast seemed to settle on an hour of rain/showers between 6-7, and just cloudy after that. It didn't start raining until about 8:00, and then it rained off and until about noon. So that was spot on, Weatherman! Thanks!  I opted for compression socks and a skirt, although after having seen the race photos I probably should have gone with capri tights or compression shorts. Green was a good choice for visibility, I think. I'm also glad I wore a hat because the rain/sweat dripped off it pretty continuously after about mile 8 or so.

Mr. Bump walked me to the starting line, which was about 12 blocks from our hotel, snapped a couple of photos and then wandered off to the starting line in hopes of seeing me there.  Luckily, he did.




Starting line - Mile 1 10:35.2



Mile 2 - 10:58.6/Mile 3 - 11:12:1
These first few miles start off a gradual uphill. You go through Portland's pretty Chinatown gate, down to the waterfront (where I saw Mr. Bump again, but I was so far ahead of where he thought I'd be that he didn't have a chance to get a picture of me). Then the course climbs through about Mile 3. I managed to spot my cousin and her family at around Mile 3, just outside their hotel.  Though I was heading uphill, and you can see it in my mile 3 split, I was just cruising. Mile 1 seemed a bit fast, but I was on target for 2-3, feeling good.  At this point in the race you have so far to go, it's best to just soak up what's going on around you ignore the fact that you're running. There will be time enough for that later.

Mile 4 - 10:22:0/Mile 5 - 10:38:1/Mile 6 - 10:34:5

At mile 4.5 you turn around and head back toward downtown. This was where it started to spit, then rain for the first time. We saw a couple of bands along here (there were supposedly something like 84 bands on the course), including a marimba group playing above us on a pedestrian walkway. Lots of people in the neighborhood were out with their coffee cheering us on and watching the, as we saw on several signs, such as: "Most Boring Parade Ever."  This part is back along the waterfront and heading toward the industrial area. I picked up some speed on the downhills but it didn't feel like I was pushing too hard. In retrospect, I was.  I never should have had a 10:22 split.  In this section we passed by a homeless tent camp under a bridge and the smell was horrible.

Mile 7 - 10:38.6/Mile 8 - 10:39.4
I was around the 4:45 pace group at this point, so I thought I'd just hang with them, which I managed more or less until mile 15.  I was pushing pretty hard in the first half, and I could feel it in my legs. But I reasoned that I was supposed to be pushing the pace, this was the race, after all. But I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain it. That should have been my clue to pull back.  I saw a couple in camp chairs who had laid a raincoat down on the ground for their pit bull to curl up on, then draped it over his back to keep him warm. 

Mile 9 - 10:55.4/Mile 10 - 10:46.2
The first (second?) turnaround. It was at this point that I could finally see if anyone was still behind me. The next two miles allowed me to feel a little better about my pace, given the amount of runners, and eventually walkers, still coming toward us.  It rained all along here, but thankfully we didn't get stopped for any trains. We cross probably 10 sets of tracks along here, and it happens frequently that runners get stopped, but we didn't. Someone I saw at breakfast the next morning said they got stopped for 15 minutes, but they were run/walking and didn't particularly care about their time. I think they said they clocked in around 6:30.  I remember actual cheerleaders along this point. Tiny little middle school cheerleaders.

Mile 11 - 10:47:2/Mile 12 - 11:01.9/Mile 13 (halfway!) - 10:40.8
My memory of these miles was that there were lots of spectators, but knowing probably none of them would be for me. I always hold out a little hope that I'll be surprised, but no dice. Lots of great signs along this section. "I'm proud of you, complete stranger!" and "Your feet hurt because you're kicking so much asphalt/butt/etc."  My feet weren't hurting yet but I was feeling it in my calf muscles and my quads.  You run through some neighborhoods in mile 10-12, there were a few bands along the course, aid stations, all a rainy smeary blur. I realized it was probably going to be just this wet the rest of the way (which was almost true).  My spectators never got rained on, but then they were parked at Sugar Mama's inhaling a crazy-good breakfast. The didn't believe me when I said it rained almost the whole time when I saw them at the finish line.

Mile 14 - 11:01:1/Mile 15 - 11:02.8/Mile 16 - Checkpoint Charlie/The Hill - 11:37.5
Even though you realize at this point you're halfway, what you're feeling physically is that you can't possibly do this many miles all over again. For me I knew the hardest part of the course was coming up, that crazy steep hill you have to run up before going across St. John's bridge. I spent these miles trying to run under the cover of the trees to get out of the rain, and eyeing the bridge when I could see it in the distance, thinking how impossibly far away it seemed, and knowing I still had 9 miles yet to run after I got there.

For whatever reason, there are no race photos between the starting line and mile 17. Which I find just bizarre. Also my family was still leisurely consuming their from all accounts very delicious breakfast, with pancakes and homemade sausages. It was all very cruel now that I think about it.  I was trying to keep my body temperature up and eating Gus every 4-5 miles. What is wrong with me? I kept thinking.

There was also a guy dressed in drag like a 20s flapper girl along here. He/she must have been racing, however, because this was just after what they call "Checkpoint Charlie" where they make sure you have a timing chip and race bib on or you can't continue on the course.

Mile 17 - The Bridge - 12:59.4




This was a really tough mile, one of the slowest, too. It was rainy, there was a wet breeze coming off the river as we went over it, and I was out of Gatorade. You can actually see me trying to locate Mr. Bump and my folks as I came off the bridge in that second picture. But they, much like a water/aid station, were not to be found until mile 19. When you get up that hill and onto the bridge, you think that it's going to be downhill soon, but that damned bridge is very long and half of it is still climbing.  The weatherman was burned in effigy by us 5 hour marathoners on the bridge.


Mile 18 - 11:46.5  Frantically searching for something to drink, or someone I knew on this section. There were neither. The course profile appears to be all downhill from the end of the bridge to the very last half mile, but there was an uncharted hill after the initial downhill from the bridge. There was cursing involved. Also some walking. All I wanted was something to drink and to see my spectators in their Team Bump shirts. (Oh yes, I had shirts made. They are fabulous. I will share photos later.)

It was around here I also saw the best spectator sign EVER, held by a little blond boy of about 3. It said "My head was in the 99th percentile. You got this, Mom!" I laughed out loud.

Mile 19 - First Parental Sighting - 12:24.5

I finally saw Mr. Bump and my parents, and managed to swap out my empty bottle for a full one. I also took the opportunity to chuck the iFitness belt that I bought at the expo to carry my cell phone, because I just couldn't seem to get it to stay put, probably because I was sopping wet. I'll try it again but it chafed me somewhat, mostly because I couldn't get it to stay on my hips. Seeing my family and offloading some gear a boost I needed, but it didn't last for long.

Mentally I had this notion that once I got over the hill and the bridge, it would be all downhill and easier and I wouldn't hit the wall and that rainbows and unicorns would come shooting out of my ass running shoes. I wasn't prepared for how very long the last 6 miles were going to be. And I suffered for it.


Mile 20 - 12:45.2

Somewhere around here I began to feel my body and my mind separate from each other. I felt like they sort of uncoupled like two train cars, and while they were both traveling the same direction, they weren't really paying much attention to each other. I had fantasy conversations with other runners. I got fixated on a guy who's shirt said "I Am Sofa King..." and then had a list of sentence ends like "sweaty" and "awesome" and "my wife after this." I spent a good 3/4 of a mile trying to think up other ways to end that sentence.  I spent a lot of time scrutinizing the runners around me, what they were wearing, their gaits and socks and oh, just about anything. I felt like I was at a distance from all the spectators, all the other runners, myself. Also like I was sort of in slow-motion.  Probably I was somewhat energy depleted and my brain was just working triage on the body and didn't have time to entertain me.  It was weird, that's for sure.

I never had any problems with my GI on this race, and I never needed a pottie break either, which is normal for me. I did have a tough time opening up my gus and I don't think I kept up adequately with the fuel. I was trying to plan them for water stations, but I'd forget until I was out of water. I also kept meaning to wipe my face off to clear the salt off it at each water stop, but I kept forgetting that too.  My brain gets very forgetful when I'm racing. It doesn't have much short-term memory.

Mile 21 - 13:15.6/Mile 22 - 12:04.2/Mile 23 - 11:57.0/Mile 24 - 13.09.8
This is where the wheels came off the bus and I felt like I let everyone down. Remember how I said I was going to dedicate these miles to thinking about people in my life that I found inspiring and/or supportive?  I apparently am really bad at math because I didn't list anyone for mile 22-23. I therefore spent miles 20-23 trying to figure out who the hell I was supposed to be thinking of. But I also spent a lot of these miles alternating between running and hurting and thinking about walking, and then walking and hurting in different places and trying to gear back up to running again.  I felt bad for the people I was supposed to be using as "inspiration" because these splits were anything but inspiring. 

Still, I kept moving, even though I kept forgetting that I was on mile 22 instead of 23 (so disappointing). These are the "never again" miles, when you're sure that you will never run another marathon. They're also the miles where the 5:00 hour pace group caught up to me, then passed me at a water station. They were in my line of sight until about 24, when you cross back over the river. That was the point at which my goals began to shift back to "finish and not die." I was trying to do math at this point to figure out exactly how much further I had to go and if I really was going to miss a sub 5:00 marathon. I'm useless at math on the best of days, so I had no idea.

I did think, more than once, as a way to get myself back running, that this was the walk break I was going to regret later. That got me going again every time.

Mile 25 - 11:19.8 (negative split!) Around this time I realized if I didn't have too much further to go, and if I picked up the pace, I might actually finish sub 5 hours. Hence the negative split. Actually, this is the pace I should have run every mile. But it felt like a hurry after the last five slow run/walk miles. There is some good downhill on this part too, so I opened it up as best I could. The fact that I was able to run this mile faster lets me know that I could have run some of the previous 5 faster, if I had mentally been around.


Mile 26 - 12:00.3


Misery is the best way to describe this face. Until you round this corner, you really have no idea how much further you have to go. People keep screaming at you that "you're almost there!" which is the most useless piece of shit encouragement.  I think this was 25.9 or so, so really only .3 miles left to go. But until you can see the finish line, it's really hard to know you're close, but you can't see quite how close you are to finishing. I also knew my watch was off the official course markers, so even though I could tell how far I'd come, I couldn't do the math on how much further I had to go. If there was a final 800 meters sign, I never saw it.  I also didn't see my father waving his baseball cap at me over the barricades. I was just focused on holding on to it. I so badly wanted to stop and walk, but there was some serious shame in that so I kept running.

26.0-26.4 (my Garmin's official distance) - 5:37.8 (but I forgot to stop my watch right away, so a bit off)
Net time: 5:02:43 (official)
Average pace: 11:26/mile


I only vaguely remember putting my hands up here, but it makes for a nice picture so I'm glad I did.

Post-race
After finishing I was really impatient to get my medal and space blanket and get moving again. After being in motion for that long it's really hard to just stop and wait in a line (no matter how short) to get your medal. Also, apparently my blood sugar was nonexistant because I was ready to shove some other poor finisher out of the way to get my medal.  I was completely soaked to the skin by the time I finished, so that space blanket was great. Although it was sort of sweat under it, freeze out of it. I've seen in other races that they tape them on like a cape, which would have been helpful because of all the other stuff I was going to need my hands for. Upon reflection, perhaps there were some bags somewhere, but they weren't in my line of sight.

The finisher's chute for this race was an effort to load you down with a bunch of stuff when you can barely grip anything at this point. Medal, space blanket, rose, comemerative coin, pendant, long sleeve t-shirt, and tree seedling.  For some reason I insisted on a hot pink (not pale pink) rose from the poor girls gripping thorny roses. Why I cared, I have no idea. But I distinctly remember thinking that I'd just finished an f*cking marathon and I deserved the color of rose I wanted. 

Not to mention the fact that there is tons of food. And you really would like to eat (or at least grab some of it), but your hands are full of things you can't eat.  As I was heading from the roses to the food, the road seemed to slant one direction and a race volunteer angel descended from a cloud in front of me, asking me if I was all right. I assured her I was fine, it was the street that seemed to be slanted to the left. She nodded, gripped me around the shoulders and said "Let's get you some juice."  Once I had a little cup of juice, and she was assured that I wasn't going to fall over, she waved vaguely in the direct of the medical tent in case I needed it and used her angel wings to flutter over to the next delirious finisher.

I got orange and grape juice, a string cheese (I heard some older gentleman saying "how do you get this thing open?") a half a banana, a frozen fruit bar, and a fistful of redvines, pretty much at random. Although I really wanted that fruit bar. They also had mini candy bars, bags of chips, quarters of bagels, oranges, grapes, gingersnaps (should have got some of those), other cookies. A ton of food. I ran out of room to put stuff so I just gave up. And then they handed me the pendant and the coin in little velvet pouches. Then I really was out of room. At that point the street was sort of tipping again, and I just wanted to find my family. The reunion area was really really far away, probably  3/4 of a block from where you exit the finisher's chute. Yes, I had just run 26.2 miles so an extra 2-3 blocks of finisher's chute to reunion area was really too long. 

Thankfully my last name starts with A, so my little band of merry spectators was waiting at the head of the reunion area. And let me tell you, it was the best part of the whole day to see them and the smiles on their faces. I wish I had been lucid enough to get photos of that. It was wonderful. So much better than any of my armloads full of race schwag. Mr. Bump became my official holder-upper, and while I now regret that he to NO photos of me after the race, it sure felt good to have someone's arm around my shoulder at the time.

We walked to the car, said goodbye to my family who came down from Washington, and made it back to the hotel and into a very long, very hot shower.  Later we went to lunch at Burgerville and then over to Powell's Bookstore (somewhere along the course I promised myself that as a reward for finishing) but I couldn't even think about what I wanted to look at or buy and my feet were throbbing so I cut the visit short.  I rested in the late afternoon but didn't nap, and we went to bed early. That was pretty much it. 

I finished. I didn't get sick, didn't have any blisters, although I got a wicked chafe from my heart rate monitor because of how wet I was. I didn't hit all my goals but I did hit some. I'm calling it a win.  I'll save my thoughts and future goals for another post. Sorry this is so long. If you got all the way to the end of it, then I owe you a medal. Leave me your address in the comments section.

5:02:43

No sub 5 hour marathon, but a PR. And darned close. I also think I shook up my babymaking parts so that whole having kids discussion may be moot.  It was an interesting day. I got as close as I could, but I just didn't make it under 5 hours. I think I'm happy but right now all I am is tired. More later.

2:20:17 *PR!

Finally got that PR in the half marathon, even if it was only a 11 second PR--I'll take it! Finished up the day with another 8 on top of the half, for a final long run of 21 miles before tapering. Let the taper begin! I've been so stressed about getting back into training after the foot pain and back pain that the taper portion of this training cycle snuck up on me.  Two weeks from tomorrow Mr. Bump and I (and my sweet parents) head out to Portland. Nineteen days and counting until I PR in PDX.

The rockstar next to me was Jean, who ran her first half on Sunday! She rocked it for 2:39:20 finish. We ran step for step for the first eight miles or so, before we parted ways at an aid station. But I saw her heading for the finish line as I headed out for my extra eight. So proud of her!

The race (Crossroads Half Marathon) was small but had great support (fabulous photographers!), particularly the free GUs and the snowcones at the finish line. Race directors take note--snowcones at the finish are the Bomb!

my story

So I started a "my story" page MONTHS ago, but I finally got around to getting all the pictures up. So if you haven't seen it, check it out here.  It's a fun ride through memory lane, complete with yarn hair ribbons, huge bangs and a whole lotta fat me pictures. 

Find out how I went from this cuteness...

To this happy but also unhealthy...

To this healthy, happy, and cute...

i don't think you're ready for this jelly

Some days (actually LOTS of days) I'm pretty hard on myself. I ran 18 miles today, but I'm still beating myself up about it because it was really hot by 9:30 and I walked way more than I should have. It's very easy to forget how far I've come, I think more so for me than anyone.

From our spring 2005 trip to New Zealand, recently unearthed from the archives by Mr. Bump

Mt. Bierstadt June 2011

It's important, every once in a while, to look back at the path and see how far you've come. Just as important as looking forward toward how far you have yet to go.

4:06:22

155th place out of 215 finishers.  It was an amazing day, a beautiful day, and I've got nothing but great things to say about the race, the volunteers, and every other person I met on the course. I'm proud of myself. And while there is always the possibility that you could have done better (I really shouldn't have walked any of those last three downhill miles, say), I feel like I did my best. 

Oh, I'm so happy that Mr. Bump was able to get such a flattering shot of my thighs for you all to see!

While the aid stations on the course were wonderful, and the volunteers were the best of any race I've ever done, I was fortunate enough to have my own cheering section comprised of my folks and my mother-in-law at the finish. And the best photographer/bell ringer/cheerleader a girl could ever hope to marry. Thanks Mr. Bump, for being the bright safety cone orange beacon for me to run toward. I love you, and I hope you know it.


Next stop, Portland!

no day is a good day

that starts with a pile of dog vomit in your bed.  Blergh. Mr. Bump didn't love his dinner last night, so he set the remaining mushrooms and sauce on the floor for Ruby to finish off.  Apparently it didn't agree with her either, and she didn't want to bother us, so she just threw up in the bed between us.  On the comforter, and the sheets, which bled through to the mattress pad but thankfully not the mattress.  I'm not sure when she did it, but it was an unpleasant wake-up call.

But!  There have been good things happening, too.

Like this:

And by that I mean the diamond earring you can see in my left ear.  Yes!  I finally, FINALLY, got myself those earrings.  This isn't the best picture of them, but I do love them so.  They aren't huge, but they're big enough for me, and they're wearable, which I have been doing without a break since I got them.  It will probably mean that I'll have to clean them more often, but I don't care.  The point of them is to remind me of what I've accomplished and what that means to me.  And how important it is to keep working on it, every single day.

And with that in mind, I must admit that since the marathon, I've gained a couple of pounds.  Quite honestly three to four.  So the earrings also are a reminder to get back to basics, and so that's where I am.  With my food log, and my exercise, and all that hard work.  Mostly I think they are the result of eating like I'm running 25-30 miles a week, while actually not running any.  Whoopsie.

So I'm back to hitting the pavement, too.  I took three or so weeks off, and then one half-hearted week where I ran once.  But I'm back, baby!  And trying to figure out some new training goals, which is tough.  I feel really at sea without a goal, and without a goal I have been re-introduced to those three to four pounds.

I thought about a triathalon for a bit, but the lack of someplace to train and the amount of gear required were offputting to me.  I love to swim, I like to ride my bicycle (Queen reference!), and running is my bag. But trying to find a place to swim that isn't the teeny tiny rec center pool has been a challenge.  So for right now, I think that I'll let that go, although I am going to try and do more cross-training this summer.  We're on the cusp of the purchase of a new bike for me (so exciting!), and it's between this one and this one.  So I hope to use that a bit, too. 

I cringe to put this out there, but without accountability, I'm a backslider.  I think I'm going to try another marathon.  In the fall.  *Cringe*  I'm thinking about the Mountain Air Marathon, which is at some elevation, but is again downhill, and isn't a big marathon.  So there you go.  I said it.  So much for keeping it under my hat, Mr. Bump!  I'm competitive enough to really want to try and run it under 5 hours.  Anyway, what this means is I'm back on a training schedule.  Which is good for me--I do well with structure.  What I don't do so well with is heat, which we've been enjoying in our neck of the woods lately.  I ran last night at 8:30, then got up this morning and left the house to run in to work at 5:45.  Both runs were very sweaty, and it has been very hard to get control of my heart rate.  I only took a few weeks off, so I can't imagine that the difference is in my fitness.  The heat is killer.  I don't remember how I did it last year when I was training for the half.  I predict a lot of early mornings in my future.  Hopefully ones free of dog vomit.

5:03:51

I'm beyond proud of myself and happy with my time.  I'll try to get a recap together in the next couple of days but for now, I'm just going to try and nurse my sore muscles.  It was a hard day, but an awesome one.

2010 Colorado Marathon

What a difference a year makes: 

 2009 Colorado Marathon 10K

OMG

I did it. I ran 20 f*ing miles today.  The last two were really hard. I'm really tired.  Enjoy this while I take a nap.

2:21:21

So. I've sat down to blog no fewer than 7 times. I've composed no fewer than 15 or so blog posts on my commute home from work, whether I'm running home or taking the bus. But often at the end of the run or the end of the day I've been really tired.  I'm falling asleep on the couch almost every night.  And training takes up a lot of time when I'm not tired.  But hi!  I'm alive, things are going along, check check check.  I've only missed one run so far, on Friday, because my knee hurt.  But I'm glad I took the day off.  I think it helped me in the Half-Marathon I ran today.  What's that, you say?  You ran a half-marathon this weekend?  You so crazy! 

Let me explain.  In preparing for my marathon, one of the things "they" suggest you do is run another race or two of a shorter distance as part of your training.  So I signed up for the Platte Half-Marathon, which I signed up for at the end of February and promptly (and frequently) forgot about.  But time marches on, and this morning was the race.  It was at the most reasonable hour of 9 am, which was quite lovely.  The course was nice, mostly downhill(ish), although it didn't feel downhill at the time, and the volunteers were great.  There was plenty of water, unlike some other half marathons I could mention (ahem).  And best of all I had a PR that was 18-20 minutes faster than my last half.  The 2:21 above was the time my Garmin gave me afterward, but I forgot to hit stop when I crossed the finish line so there's a little extra there.  But I rather like a time of 2:21:21. 

I'm pretty pumped about my time.  I felt strong the whole time, and while I knew I was pushing myself, I didn't feel like I was going to bonk.  I thought well, let's just see how far we can go at this pace.  And wouldn't you know it I made it for the whole thing.  13.1 miles at a 10 minute 30 second per mile pace.  I ran the whole way--no walk breaks.  I passed people, which seems miraculous to me.  I high-fived people who were cheering us on along the way.  Even though I didn't run with anyone I knew, or really chat with anyone during the race, I felt so much support from those people cheering along.  There's something about that solid slap of a hand that just spurs you on.  Every high-five pushed me to pick up the pace.   And even on that last bloody steep hill, I just kept running.  I passed people.  Granted, I wasn't going very fast, and one of the people I passed was a woman who was apparently passing out as I passed her (hope she's ok).  When I finally saw Mr. Bump I just sprinted to the finish.  I wanted to see him so bad, and there he was.  Where he always is--waiting for me at the finish line.

There are really very few times in this process that you feel like you are getting better.  I know I've been running further than I ever have (eighteen miles last weekend!) and that is mind boggling to me as well. But today felt like tangible proof that I'm getting better.  That I can push myself pretty hard and be ok.  That I might just be able to go the distance on May 9th.

misery is optional

Yes, my friends, I did decide to run after all. Here's the proof:


This was a PDR for me (personal distance record), and I'm so crazy proud of myself. Even though I hurt like hell last night, and I've got a bit of soreness in my hip, the fact that I rested Friday and Saturday really seemed to help. Ice on Friday, heat on Saturday and there were no twinges by Sunday. I decided to give it a try, promising myself that I'd quit if I started hurting. And admittedly, miles 12 through 14 were a bit painful, but the pain was in my right front groin to hip area and there was nothing to do but finish at that point, so I just kept on.  I always joke that, especially with out and back routes, once I turn around I'm like a horse headed back to the barn.  I'll just go and go and go until I get there.  The last four miles of this run were like that for me.  It's all bearable if I know there's lying down and chocolate milk waiting for me.  This works for me, and I'm hoping to use this in the marathon, which is point-to-point rather than out and back.  Which means that every step I take is one back to the barn.

I've been reading (off and on, haltingly) Haruki Murakami's book What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, in which he says "Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional."  I definitely had this on my mind yesterday miles 12-14, and I've decided to use this as my mantra for this next phase of the training.  I'm going to hurt.  But what I do with that pain is up to me.  I can wallow in it, let it affect my attitude and my run.  Or I can acknowledge it, be aware of it, but run beside it.  This of course can backfire if you're actually injured, and you shouldn't be setting the pain aside, but I (mostly) know the difference between a tight muscle and an intense jabbing pain in my hind end.

I think it helped that I ran on dirt roads, and didn't have the camber that I usually deal with on asphalt, or the pounding that happens on a concrete trail.  I met one cow that had managed to get past her electric fence, a few dogs that were ambivalent to my presence on the road, even more that weren't (oh the jumping and the barking that went on (thankfully) behind fences), dropped my water bottle and had to backtrack for it, and discovered I don't like Gu Chomps.  The orange flavor tasted like an orange Ricola cough drop.  My go-to is still Cliff Shot Blocks, in case you care, which so far have been the only thing I'm able to choke down while running.  But all in all the run gets a thumbs up.  It was fairly quiet and traffic free, and almost every driver slowed down and moved way over when they came upon me.

If you're interested, you can check out the details with my Garmin data here: Garmin Connect - Activity Details for 3/7/10 14 Mile Run. The interesting thing about this data is you can see exactly where I jog back to get my water bottle, where I thought the cow was going to get me so I turned tail and went another direction.  I think the data is really cool.  I geek out over it all the time.

And now I'm going to try and keep my head off the desk at work today, and count the hours until my massage tonight.  Never was a massage more yearned for, at least by me.

i am a badass

Yes, yes I am!  Last night I ran five miles in the snow and wind.  Uphill.  All the way (almost).  Srsly, I am kick-ass.  And it wasn't just a little snow.  I had to wipe it off my eyes so I could see where I was going, and brush it off my jacket.  Like, multiple times.

We are expecting another 2-4 inches tomorrow, just in time for my scheduled 12 mile run.  I'm going to be running with a group.  I don't know how that'll go.We'll see.  If nothing else I can put my headphones on and just pretend I'm by myself.  The good thing is that the course is marked (at least, it will be under the snow) and they provide water and candy (!) along the way. 

Everything else with the running seems to be going ok.  I bought this thing called a foam roller, which basically looks like a 4 foot tall blue tampon (mine's 2 feet long and orange, but still an odd thing).  Here's a picture, courtesy of Dick's Sporting Goods' website:

Basically you but your body on it and apply the pressure of your body weight.  Then you roll back and forth on the floor.  I use it on my calves, my butt, my hamstrings, my IT band on my hip.  Usually after my run I do an exploratory roll to see what hurting, then spend some time concentrating on that area.  It's a hurt so good kind of thing.  I can feel myself tightening up if I don't use it.  It really makes a difference.  Highly recommend.

So I've got one more week (after this weekend) in the first phase of my training.  After that, I'll be headed into the land of Runs Longer than Ever Before.  Fourteen miles, twelve, sixteen, fourteen, eighteen, ten (so easy!), twenty.  This will be the hardest part of the training, I think.  Part of what makes it so hard is the increase in miles during the week as well.  Increasing from 6 miles to 8 on Tuesdays, and 6 or 7 miles on Thursday.  It's just a lot to get in after work. 

I have found my eating to be out of control lately.  I just can't stop myself from eating crap--mostly straight up sugar.  Maybe it's my body's way of trying to recoup it's glycogen, or my minds way of saying "Hey, you're doing all this exercise!  We need some reward!"  But whatever it is, my weight seems to be holding steady despite inhaling anything sweet I find that isn't fuzzed over with lint or gone stale.  But while I haven't gained weight, I do feel a little squidgier around the middle bit.  So I'm going to have to work on pulling back the reins.  It would also be nice to weigh a bit less by race time.  According to this article, you gain a 1% improvement for every 1% of weight you lose.  It makes sense, but given my inability to stop my fingers from finding the M&M bowl, it's a lofty goal at this point.

I promised myself I wasn't going to try and lose any weight while I was training for the marathon, but I would love to speed up a bit, and I've been reading all this stuff about fructose, how it converts to fat, and where that fat hangs out (guess where--squidgy middle!).  I don't really know what I'm talking about, but I'm trying to figure it out.  Any tips or thoughts are greatly appreciated.

I almost forgot one other thing.  I had a dream the other night that I was at the starting line, and I was loose, excited, ready to go.  The only thing that was stressing me out was worrying that I would run out of music during the marathon.  I'm planning/hoping to run it in about 5 hours 30 minutes.  That's a long playlist to put together.  So here's my call to all y'all.  What's your favorite up beat go-to workout/running music?  I'll post my playlist of 100 or so songs soon, and we can compare notes!

it's a new day, a new week, a new closet

The subject of this photo, both in the garbage bag and the pile, represents a much-needed purge of the coat closet.  I'm going to donate all of this to Coats for Colorado, and I've been meaning to get to this project for a while, but I finally got to it this afternoon.  In my defense, I will say that not a single one of these coats fit me now, and almost all of them did a year ago.  And most of them were fairly inexpensive models from the likes of Target.  But I have purchased a Very Expensive, Very Nice coat, which is winging its way from England. With my North Face coat system that made the cut from the above culling, I think my coat needs are satisfied.  It feels good to know I can buy a Very Nice coat and that it will fit me a year from now and beyond.  Y'all know I'm hoping planning on losing some more weight, but I plan for that junk to come out of my trunk, not through my shoulders.  I trust that the Very Nice coat will fit me, come hell or high water.

I also bagged up a bag full of clothes that no longer fit, and I probably have another bag or two to go.  It's hard to let go of things, for some reason.  Partly because it feels like a waste, that I haven't worn them enough (or in some cases at all).  Partly because it's a sort of security blanket.  I don't plan on ever having to wear that stuff again.  In fact, I plan on never having to wear it again.  But I still struggle with getting rid of things.  I've probably purged a good 12-15 big black garbage bags full of clothes.  Now I know that that's way too many clothes, and I should just have a small wardrobe of really nice pieces, and all that crap.  But I loathe laundry.  So having to wash my 8-10 items of clothing every week ain't gonna happen.  Plus, I have a varied closet personality.  Sometimes I'm neutrals, sometimes I'm hot pink.

I've been working on a system where I put the clean clothes in the front of the closet, and as things seem to stagnate at the back, I just purge them out every month or two.  But there are sometimes when it would be nice to have a line judge sitting in the corner of my bedroom.  When I pull out that favorite cardigan that just happens to be too big for me now, s/he could yell "Fault!"  An impartial observer of my closet would be a good thing.  Let me know if you know anyone looking for that kind of work.  Someone I wouldn't be creeped out by if they just sat in the corner of my bedroom every morning and armchair quarterbacked my daily morning ritual of pulling things out, trying them on, and tossing them on the reject pile on my bed.  Also if s/he could go ahead and hang all those rejects back up after I head to work, that would be great too.  The pay might be lousy, but the baked good benefits are outstanding.  Also, we have a surfeit of warm cuddly dog which would be available for use.

ANYway, I'm proud of myself for finally amassing Coat Mountain.  Now I just need to figure out some way to get all the coats to a Dependable Cleaners.  Hrm.  Mr. Bump suggested if I start with the smallest one first and work outward, maybe I could wear them in to work, and then peel them off at the cleaners across the street.  His genius knows now bounds.

I'll let you know when Very Expensive Very Nice coat arrives.  Until then I'm really glad the snow has stopped and it's supposed to be warm and clear this week.  Onward!  No looking back!  Goodbye Coat Mountain!

news at 11:00

I've been thinking about a clever way to write this post for the last few days, and I am now throwing my hands up at clever now. I guess I'm all out of clever at the moment.

It's been a big fat week in Bumptown. I'm going with the gloss here rather than highs and lows and tears that happened at the beginning of the week. As Elizabeth Bennet says: "In cases such as these, a good memory is unpardonable." So gloss, gloss it is.

We made our final (gulp) payment for our South Africa trip, so it is fairly safe to say we'll be jetting off to South Africa in 8 1/2 weeks time. Man that was a whole lotta money. But now we can look forward to it--stop dwelling at just be excited for what lies ahead.

Eight weeks is also the amount of time left until the half-marathon--8 weeks and 2 days, to be precise. I'm excited--I've run 10.22 miles in 2 hours so I'm hoping I can make it in less than 3 hours.

We also got an offer on the Homestead, the house Mr. Bump and his brother inherited from their grandparents. Cross your fingers for us, please, that everything goes well. If it does escrow will close before the South Africa trip.

And (drumroll please...) I think I can safely, officially say that I have lost 100 pounds. As of this morning it was actually 102 pounds, but some of that is water loss from my workout last night. But I've got to say, for some reason it seems anti-climactic. I guess it was so slow in coming, these last few pounds, that it wasn't dramatic. It was like, "Oh--what do you know. I've hit the Diamond Earring Weight. Huh." So much else is going on, maybe the number doesn't matter as much as I thought it would. And I guess I've got further goals out there, so maybe that's why. I've yet to hit that magic number which means my BMI falls into the "healthy weight" category. That's something I'm thinking toward. I'm also thinking about how kind of icky and saggy my body looks (oh the horror of bending over, people), despite all I've done. I think I'm going to have to focus on the dreaded strength training. Maybe now that the weight loss is not so urgent in terms of Reaching! a Goal! I can focus on other ways of being healthy and strong. And my arms looking better in a tank top.

And there is the fact that despite achieving the Diamond Earring Weight, there will be no diamond earrings. Not for a while, anyway. For further details see above paragraph re: enormous payment for South Africa trip. And although this is self-imposed (sort of), it makes the reaching that goal a bit of a letdown I guess. There are all sorts of ways I suppose I could reward myself, but I'm sort of meh on those. I want to get what I want, so I say I'll just wait. But there's something a small voice inside my head keeps pointing out every so often: I really don't feel like I deserve to spend that much money on myself anyway. Who wants to pick that apart for me?

So I don't know. That's probably the biggest reason I have been wrestling with this post. I'm rolling that admission around in my mouth and I don't particularly like it, but it rings true enough that I can't just spit it out. A lot of this whole weight loss thing, particularly these last 50 pounds (since last December) is purely mental. After you lose the weight, along with the extra skin comes a lot of other stuff that doesn't melt away by physically getting rid of the fat. I know I've read/heard about that from other people, but it really is true. It isn't a huge, psyche damaging thing, but it is now part of the mix. I don't feel any different, and when I look at pictures of my old self I still truly believe that is how I look. Part of it is only just realizing what I looked like then in the reflection of what I look like now.

Here's another thing: I catch myself looking at more overweight people, maybe who don't even weigh as much as I once did, and I sort of mentally tsk at them for an instant, and then catch myself almost immediately. I am so grateful to all the people in my life who never mentioned my weight. First and foremost the wonderful Mr. Bump. To the people who did feel like the needed to intervene with a comment, I appreciate where you heart was at. But I promise you no one needs the fact that they are overweight or fat pointed out to them. Trust me, you know you're fat. This may sound like I'm at the end of a journey and I'm summing up, but I'm not. I've got miles to go before I'm svelte. Or done. Or no longer in need of my scale.

a new low, or alternatively: holy crap i'm going to run a half marathon!

I got on the scale this morning to a new low weight, which was a complete and total surprise given the amount of crap I ate this weekend. If I think about it, (and I don't really want to) in all seriousness I ate a bag of m&ms. Not a little bag. More like a the bigger bag you buy to fill up your little dish of m&ms or your candy dispenser or wherever you put your m&ms. So I'm not really sure what the drop is from, maybe just eating less dense food? Dunno, just not looking too hard at the weight. It disappears if I focus on it too much. But! I am now 3.4 pounds away from the Diamond Earring Weight, and I can hardly believe it.

One of the things that has changed a bit is eating, generally (except for the m&m fest of the weekend). We're sharing a CSA share with Mr. Bump's brother and his girlfriend, so we've had a lot of produce that needs to get eaten quickly both because it spoils with a swiftness but also because more is coming the following Monday. So far all we've had are herbs, salad greens and some radishes, but it has been good to have the salad greens, and so we've had lots of large salads, which help me a lot. Below is a picture of our bounty from last week:


I've also been increasing my mileage a bit, with a new long distance of 7.2 miles. I'm hoping to shoot for 8 miles this weekend, we'll see if the weather cooperates. Last night the weather was perfect around dusk, but I'm a little leery of trying to run at night. Seems like a dangerous thing, though probably more because of cars than personal physical danger. I'll have to see how it evolves over the summer. The 10 miler is on Labor Day, which gives me 10 weeks to work up to 10 miles. Shouldn't be too hard since I'm at 7 already. But there is a Half-Marathon on September 20th, which would be 12 full weeks. I would really like to am going to do it. Partially because the swag looks cool and the event looks like a lot of fun. Partially because it feels like a really great way to end the summer before leaving for Africa on the 23rd of September.
(Hey! Guess what! I just paused this post to register for the Half-Marathon! Look how I did that! Woot.) I'm also going to try to work in some swimming and some biking here and there. I'd like to try to swim once a week if I can.

Swimming looks to be the only activity that I can attempt in Africa. The running at the safari camps is discouraged for obvious reasons. But I think that a couple of weeks of rest seem like a really good idea after a half-marathon, so I'm not going to freak out about it.

So, the exercise stuff keeps plugging along. The food stuff is good in fits and starts and then I go back to thinking I can eat whatever I want, which isn't an option at this weight any more. As focused as I am on losing weight, and specifically on that magic number, I forget that I'm smaller all the time. When it comes to how many calories I think I can still eat, when I reach for a clothing size on the rack, when I look at myself in the mirror. These last 45 pounds came off rather quickly, so I think that is part of it. But some of it is just snapshot thinking. I have a picture in my head of myself and I look at that snapshot rather than what I actually look like. I've got to take some new pictures.

In other non-weight related news, I have tentatively started a bakery business on the side. I think for now I'm just going to see if I can do some cakes/baked goods for cost for people, for word of mouth and also because I have no earthly clue how to run a business and therefore I don't want to until I can get that lined up. If I decide to go through with it. Right now I have an email address: barefoot.bakery@gmail.com and some business cards from moo.com, and I've got my sister blog, but nothing really set up there in terms of business stuff. I think I'll try to work on that at some point, but for now I'm just going to work on passing out cards and hoping someone wants a baked good this summer. So if you know anyone in Denver or Colorado who needs baked goods, whether it be cookies or some killer brownies or a carrot cake, send 'em my way. This may seem contra indicative to weight loss, but I tend to get my fix from the smell rather than eating things. Also I'm not going to be baking m&ms, so I should be set.

I've got a post about my 10K coming, partially just to have it recorded for posterity somewhere what happened and how it went. So stay tuned!

the little things

I know I've spoken about this before (see the knickers post), but now I seem to have skipped past the point of "Hey, this fits!" to "Hey, I have no pants or jeans that fit!" I know the fact that I'm pants-less should be something to celebrate, but it is frustrating in the extreme. I've still got 20 pounds and some serious junk to unload from my trunk, so buying pants right now seems like a bad idea. I usually resort to either Target or Old Navy at this juncture, because sometimes you can actually score clothes under the $5.00 range if you're lucky. But there are no jeans in either of these places that look good. Or hide my hiney. I can just get away with one wearing of one or two of my pairs of jeans if I dry them on hot and don't sit down a whole lot.

Sigh. Poor me, right? But I had some really nice clothes, ones I liked a lot. Most of them can't be tailored. I have a dress that I wore the first time I met my in-laws (that would be 1999, people), and I've kept it all these years not for sentimental reasons but because it is beautiful. It's a greenish-cream silk sleeveless shift dress with little flowers all over it. And now it's too big. It went from too tight to too big so quickly that I didn't realize my Moment to Wear it Again was already gone. I might try to have it tailored but it has darts, so I don't know. You can't tailor two inches off a pair of jeans, either I'm told. Or any other pants, for that matter. Skirts, maybe, if they're simple. I have a pair of pants I bought at Eddie Bauer about 3 years ago, that finally fit. That and a pair of black chinos (which I am currently wearing) is really, honestly it for pants that fit. And the dress pants. Don't get me started. Sometime between now and May I have to find a couple of pairs of dress pants that I can wear for term of court. Even though it was 17 degrees yesterday morning, I was in a dress because that's all I had.

So while it is awesome to weigh less than I did in 1999 (hey that's crazy, isn't it?), I'm pissy about nothing fitting. I sincerely have to buy an almost completely all new wardrobe. Money is really tight right now, and an interim "while I'm still losing" wardrobe is probably not in the cards.

On to other news! I've finished my Colorado Weigh class, and a year later I'm 30 pounds lighter (mostly lost since December), and several inches less around in my hips and waist. I think I'm about 36 inches in my waist, which is just one inch from that magical 35 inch waist circumference that I keep reading about. So there's that. I accidentally ran almost 6 miles last Saturday (while sick!), and I didn't die from it (I go farther when I have no idea how far I've gone, I guess). So that's another one. I had to buy a second pair of running shoes because mine are about halfway to wearing out. Never thought that'd be the case for me.

What's next is seriously training for my 5K, including running on the street; continuing the weight loss effort to be overweight rather than obese according to my BMI by my birthday; and oh yeah, losing those 21.6 pounds for 100 pounds lost and those diamond earrings I've been promising myself as a reward for years!

I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

hi, and welcome to my weight loss

Where the hell have I been, you ask? What the hell have I been doing? Well I'll tell you. And if I do say so myself, I'm pretty damned proud of what I've been doing.

So most of you (at least the people I know read this) know that I lost a lot of weight a few years ago, about 50 pounds. My heaviest weight was back in October of 2005. I got desperate enough to actually do something about it. I felt awful, I'd had my gallbladder removed, and I did just about anything to avoid having my picture taken. And so I joined Colorado Weigh, which is a basically a class which teaches you all about nutrition, exercise, and what you really, bottom line, have to do to lose weight. The things you think you already know, but it was there in black and white. With math. And I can say without a second thought that taking these classes was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

I took the classes (Phase 1 and Phase 2) for about 6 months, from October 2005 to May 2006 or so. I joined the Y near my work, and somehow got myself up and to the gym every morning before work. I walked on the treadmill and did some weight lifting. In that time I lost about 50 pounds, and everyone noticed and oohed and ahhed. After the classes I did ok for a while, but then the weight started to creep back on, and I got scared. Luckily for me, they had a "Graduate Class" starting up, which was supposed to be for maintenance, but I took it, as some other people did, for weight loss. And I lost all the weight I had gained, and I kind of danced around doing what I needed to do, what we all know works: log my food, count my steps, move more, eat less. I had given up my Y membership, and bought a treadmill for home, but there had been something about the effort, the ritual, that made it easier to go to the gym than get on that treadmill. Mostly it crouched in the corner while I watched tv and said I didn't have time to workout.

In May 2006 I started a new job downtown. I took the bus to work, and walked downtown at lunch to run errands. Mr. Bump and I started having lunch together and I began packing a lunch rather than eating out everyday. All these things, these "lifestyle changes" helped me not pack the weight back on. This went on for a couple of years. But I was no where near a healthy weight, and I wanted to change that.

In April of 2008 I went back to Colorado Weigh, to another "Graduate Class," which met once a month rather than every week or every two weeks. I didn't gain but I didn't lose very much, maybe four or five pounds from April to December. Then something happened to me. In truth, one bit of it was that for the trip to Africa we're taking, part of our travels will be in a light aircraft out to one of the safari camps. And somewhere in all the fine print it said that you had to disclose if you weighed more than 220 pounds. And I sure as hell wanted to leave that number in my rear view mirror before next September. It could also be that I got tired of disappointing myself. Maybe I was just ready. From October or so to December I kept having these restless dreams where I felt my weight, felt it weighing me down and pulling me down. In my dreams I became desperate to shake it off and tried to run from it. I would wake up and feel my tummy and be so unhappy. Then I would fall back to sleep and run again, over and over.

I had read somewhere about the Couch to 5K running program, and kept meaning to start it, but kept putting it off, not able to find the time to work out. And then I just did it. I got on that treadmill, and after a couple of days on it I started to run. I ran over Christmas where and when I could, my mother-in-law's treadmill, the trail in Loveland. I bought a pair of honest to goodness running shoes. I bought an exercise ball. I just kept going. I try to work out before dinner, but some nights I don't get on the treadmill until 9:00 pm. They say (whoever "they" are) that you shouldn't work out so late in the day, but I don't care. I get it in and I get it done. Since January, as of today, I've lost 18 pounds or so. I'm using SparkPeople to track my food and exercise. I wear my pedometer all day and my heart rate monitor when I run. All these things I've known all along that work. I've got a ways to go, I'm only on Week 4 of the Couch to 5K, but I'm determined to finish. And I'm signing up for an actual 5K race to keep me motivated.

My year-long class with Colorado Weigh ends in March, and I really do feel like I'll be graduating. I know all that I need to do to continue on my own. I get scared sometimes, thinking about injuring myself and not being able to exercise, or that I'll just go crazy and binge out. Most days I think that's gone, but then every once in a while I just want dessert. Or tortilla chips. Right now my fixation is on tortilla chips, for some reason. But I've had them, even in the last week, so I'm not depriving myself. Just saving it for some time later.

I get scared that talking about it, celebrating it, will in some way derail me. I'll get cocky and then be horribly embarrassed if I don't live up to who you think I am, or what I say I'm going to be. That scares me a lot. It's like I don't want to jinx it, as if it is some magical thing that is happening to me, without my input. I know it isn't, but I'm amazed every time I step on the scale and I see another pound gone. I'm amazed when my clothes are too big or I can feel my hip bone. I'm fascinated with those hip bones emerging. I fucking love those hip bones. And every time I feel it, I am so god damn proud of myself. People haven't really been noticing (except my mom, of course, who notices when I cut my fingernails), but I'm really ok with that. I'm noticing.

God, all this is boring if you don't know me or have never had a weight problem. But it's pretty much what I'm living and breathing for now. Hi, and welcome to my weight loss.

This blog often seems like a place to work out what I'm unhappy about. I started it when I was so unhappy with my work that I thought I would burst. But isn't that life's journey, working out the problems in our lives and moving through them as best we can? This story is far from over--I have a long way to go to be a healthy weight, a ways even to go to just be "overweight" rather than "obese" according to my BMI. But that really doesn't matter as much to me as being able to run that 5K. Believe me, you'll hear about it when I do.

**Oh, I forgot to mention, I haven't weighed this little since probably senior year of college, first year of graduate school. That's 1996, people! Oh damn, that's 13 years ago.

i'm walkin', yes siree

Last night I walked home from work. Simmer down, it's only about 4 miles. But like your grandparents used to say, it was all uphill. It took me about an hour and 15 minutes or so, which is not too shabby in my opinion. All in all, I took about 16,000 steps yesterday, which may be a new record.

This was my route:


I have to recommend this website to anyone who enjoys walking (or walks, but doesn't enjoy it) and wants to know how far they've gone. Mr. Bump and I usually take some sort of walk at lunch, and it lets me know how far we've gone on any given route.

Anyway, it was such a lovely long walk, with gorgeous weather, so I think I'm going to try to do it more often. At least once a week, weather depending.

Incidentally, I also got a new pedometer, which is pretty awesome. You don't have to clip it to your pants or your belt. In fact, you can carry it in your pocket or purse any which way. It resets itself at midnight and stores 7 days worth of steps. You can calculate calories, aerobic steps (not sure what this one is, exactly), miles, or steps. There's nothing like a new gadget to recommit yourself to something.

What's the point of all this fitness talk, you say? Well, I'm ashamed to say that I've slipped a little. I never made it to that elephant's penis, in fact I've slid back to a small bale of hay. But! I'm recommitting myself to the project, and my new goal is somewhere between a gold brick and a newborn calf. I'll keep you posted on how it's going.