Friday, November 06, 2009

one step forward...

Obviously there are a couple of ways I can go here, given the fact that I've missed ANOTHER day of NaBloPoMo. I could just say screw it and give up on posting every day. I could not say anything about it, throw up another post or two today, and just pretend like it didn't happen.

This all feels very familiar, somehow. Me, making a commitment. Me, failing to actually meet that commitment. Re-committing. Failing to meet that re-commitment. Failing. Failing. Failing.

Sounds a little bit like trying to lose weight/get fit/get healthy/fill in the blank, doesn't it? Every day starts out well, full of promise and promises. I eat my breakfast (excellent start). I eat my lunch (still ok). The afternoon is where things can go wrong. A snack at work. A snack once I get home. Then maybe I'll go for a run, but just as likely I'll say I'm too tired. Then I'll have dinner, and eat more of it than I should. Then I'll STILL be hungry (really?) and maybe popcorn, or m&ms, or a cupcake. Because at that point the day is already shot to hell, so why not? At the end of the day I go to bed not only with Mr. Bump and Ruby the Wonder Poodle, but also with my failure.

Sleep is restorative, and (almost) every day I pull myself out of bed, get on the scale, and start over. Try to make sure I get a work out in the next day, eat a little better. It's up, and down, and over and over again. There have been weeks, and months even, where all the the days lined up with Right Eating and Right Exercise. What I don't understand is what is the difference? How did I want it more? How did I create--and maintain--that momentum?

I have no idea. But I know it comes and goes for me. I've just got to figure out a way to get my head back in it. Or find a way to just leave it alone, be ok with being 15 pounds overweight. (That's a whole other blog post, by the way. What do you when you're done with weight loss?)
Until I actually lose the weight or become ok with not losing any more weight, I'll be here, getting up every morning. Recommitting to being healthy and losing weight. And blogging about it. I don't know what else to do. What do you when you get stuck?

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